User blog:Sonicsilva1/No Title Needed
I'm not sure where to start with this, but this is more of a ranting post for my own reasons. And I am not sorry for making these kinds of blog posts either. Consider them annoying and toxic, if you will. If you're asking, yes, I'm recovering from the wisdom teeth removal. I'm absolutely fine. However, I'm still not mentally fine. I'm still advertting from people's help, I'm still being the same old "talentless" self. Mainly because for these reasons. #I can't accept help. No matter how hard I try, I can never accept the help I'm given from other people, either because I don't care or I've already tried and it didn't work (and I refuse to try again because it's a waste of time. More details below) #I don't care. People get upset over this reason simply because I don't care. The reasoning for this is because I don't want to waste my time doing something that won't work, so why bother try it in the first place? I've already done it before and it failed in my eyes, so why try it again? #I'm selfless. Some people say I'm selfish, but I think I'm selfless. I always look up to people for help, only to not accept it or get thrown into the dirt (which is what I want because I like to be thrown down). If I don't accept the help I need, I'll just be the same or possibly worse. But, that's okay to me because I've been like this for 8+ years and I've grown accustomed to it. #Living as a toxic person WILL make me toxic. Yes, this part is infact true. I only want to hear what I want to hear ("You're being so toxic, you burn people 5 feet away from you.") because that's what I want. I want to be thrown down. I want to be denied of my social rights, and more. I do not deserve to be looked up to for who I am, I don't deserve that kind of way of life. If I've been treated like dirt and I like it, then so be it. I'm not going to waste time to be better or looked up at for some kind of hero of sorts. I hate who I am, but at the same time I couldn't ask for anymore. I like sitting here pouring out my thoughts just to get hate thrown at me. I want to be hated, because I was hated loads of times just for being myself in the past, so why bother changing now? I'm famous in my own way, I don't need to be artistically famous, or famous to have loads of friends. I don't need that. I want to famous for being an annoying and self-centered fool. I've already became accustomed to this way of living, so I'm not going to be changing anytime soon, even if given any sort of ideas. Do not take this as a message stating "I hate you all". Take this as "I wish to be hated by all because I'm used to be hated." Category:Blog posts